[TABottles]

Dealing with Skyrim - TABottles

Sigh.

With The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim recently released and a whole bucket load of jealousy pouring out of me i've decided to compile my thoughts, compose myself and share with you my method of dealing with Skyrim withdrawal.

No, I do not own Skyrim yet and as much as i'd like to I don't have the coin to buy it - funnily enough other games were bought just for the sake of buying new games, but this is Skyrim and this is
The Elder Scrolls V. So rather than continue self loathing, watching the reviews, the gameplay videos and the general gloating I've recently been playing other games.

Alright so other games, hmm
I needed games to play. More importantly I needed a world, a fabulous digital environment where I am the focus. A world of magic and untold adventures. An isle for opportunity and devilish secrets. You know all the hallmarks of a good RPG. So what did I play?

+ [ More Text] +

My very own Pokémon adventure was about to unfold! I actually left quite a splash in the region of Sinnoh! I picked Piplup the water type as my starter because as we all know the first gym leader is a piece of piss when you unleash the ultimate can o' whoop ass! Also known as Bubble.

Needless to say Onix got rocked and they gave me a badge: The Coal Badge. Admittedly it has little to no relevance to that particular gym but whatever mang my Kricketune forgot sing and learned Rock Smash! Then long story short the team of now leveled 26 to 34 superheroes achieved 4 awesome badges and many Pokémon contest ribbons. That was until I realised i'm an 18 year old male and i'm playing a game designed for little girls. Those contests were so unforgivably pussy I had to stroke my man beard and think about a new game.

Having my manhood truly compromised striving to be a Pokemon Master I had to get better and fast. Skyrim was creeping up on me, taunting me and pushing me around and I still don't have the money. There wasn't much to do besides look at my desktop and marvel at it'd pleasantries. Another game.. hmm.
Suddenly my desktop smiled at me and gave me hope.

+ [ Next Game] +

The Witcher 2: Assasin of Kings Now that's a game!

...And I didn't know that 15minutes before writing this post. The Witcher 2 is a phenomenal game actually, I hadn't actually played it up until tonight, maybe I should play the games I buy..
Well, this is what I needed a totally bad arse Skyrim-esque RPG. Super imaginative landscapes and intricate / realistic plot. I've played only a few quests from main string and already it's amazing.

I'm glad to say Skyrim can take a backseat while I play The Witcher 2 for now, of course Skyrim will be amazing when I have the money and it only means I can flaunt some more nerd fantasy - it's totally metal and cool. You should try fighting The Kayran - a massive magic summoned kracken type creature that spews poison and slaps you with tentacles. The creature is preventing the people of flotsam from travelling and several boats remain docked. Luckily the main character who you control is a Witcher. A monster killing specialist so to speak.



Put simply the game is heavily drenched in lore - much too amazing for me to explain without taking away from it's integrity. Dialogue is off the show also with one local pub crawler explaining to me that the man i'm about to fist fight is known as ''Fliparse'' and is notorious for being able to
''Hang a bucket of water from his cock.'' If you haven't played The Witcher 2 get on it mang, that's after you've leveled your Sneak skill to something ridiculous and killed your fair share of Dragons.

Thanks for reading! - TABottles

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