[5:21 AM] ThePandarine:
you know what sucks when you're the only kid who has been kept away from social events other than those chaperoned, communicating with people parents disapprove of and not show social etiqutte?
[5:21 AM] ThePandarine:
when you have your own opinion and others are greatly against it
[5:21 AM] ThePandarine:
you just dont know how to counter their arguments
[5:21 AM] ThePandarine:
its frustrating sometimes
[5:22 AM] ThePandarine:
sometimes even maddening and saddening
[5:22 AM] ThePandarine:
bah
[5:22 AM] ThePandarine has reached 10500 chatbox lines!
[5:22 AM] ThePandarine:
what do i know eh?
[5:22 AM] ThePandarine:
im just a 19 year old kid who fucked up for the last 4 years
[5:22 AM] ThePandarine:
so what do i know compared to the countless years people have
[5:23 AM] ThePandarine:
i should just ******* keep quiet and ******* die in a corner
[5:23 AM] ThePandarine:
doubt anyone would notice or miss me
[5:30 AM] ThePandarine:
maybe i should...tho this time not with pills...
[5:31 AM] ThePandarine:
drowning, bleeding, electrocution, suffocation
[5:31 AM] ThePandarine:
might even consider sepukku
[5:31 AM] ThePandarine:
idfk and idfc
[5:31 AM] ThePandarine sighs loudly
[5:31 AM] ThePandarine:
i think im glad chat is empty now
[5:32 AM] ThePandarine:
sometimes i feel what i say is never heard
[5:32 AM] ThePandarine:
tht saying even the little guys count
[5:32 AM] ThePandarine:
is not true
[5:33 AM] ThePandarine:
always the big names rolling
[5:33 AM] ThePandarine:
hahaha
[5:33 AM] ThePandarine:
theres a laugh
[5:33 AM] ThePandarine:
always a popularity contest aint it?
[5:33 AM] ThePandarine:
meh
Don't do it.
Give 13 11 14 a call. Lifeline hotline, free anonymous call, they're good people and they'll help you out. Failing that, I'll always be around midnight-6am weekdays if you need someone to chat to.
I won't be up at this hour until Monday morning, and there's no ******* way I'm going to wait 48 hours+ to say something that could potentially help, or prevent someone from harming themselves.
Also, I should point out that making the thread gives everyone else the opportunity to be a force of positive reinforcement (which isn't possible through a PM), so come on, time for everyone to step up.
I know that it's perhaps the last thing you wanna hear, but it really does get better man. Even if you've fucked up for four years, that's barely anything in the grand scheme. As dippa said, get help. Find something you really love, live for it, and make the next four years good ones.
For what it's worth, you've always come across as a super nice guy here, and even though it sometimes doesn't seem like it, that does count for something.
Also, **** being popular.
PANDA FIGHTINNNNNG
Last edited by Cute; Fri, 1st-Jun-2012 at 5:35 AM.
Owen bro I have known life has been getting to you lately and life around you has been causing you so much pain. Hopefully you should know now man, that even when you seen alone your not alone. you have the support of all of the ToR guys and I know how much the community cares about you man.
Live for yourself man, as long as its you that is happy thats what really matters man. I know >< how hard it is sometimes if you are living to make others happy is can really get you man.
All im saying is live free, follow your dreams and passions mate. Things will lighten up soon Owen bro, if you ever need a shoulder to cry on or someone to listen ill always make time man.
Panda its just a rough patch man. Everyone goes through them
You are an awesome guy and don't deserve this. I'll just leave some panda pics to cheer you up.
Lifes full of hard time, rought patches, and people who like to think they know better.
But lifes full of so many amazing people and amazing expereinces too and we have to expereince the crap stuff, in order to really savior and enjoy the good.
Don't do anything drastic, many people here will lend you an ear whenever you need. ToR are a good clan and are there for you, the fusion slugs have your back too
For me personally, you are one of the nicest people on the site (and thats hard, there as sooo many great and friendly people here).
Hey you dont need to stress your 19 and still finding your feet to put it into perspective I studied Engineering and dropped out after writing my thesis cause I didnt like the course in the end. You may think its a waste of time but what you will remember it later is as a lesson you will never forget.
If anything I know how it is, ive been through depression (2 attempted suicides), dealt with being Bi (and people finding out) being beat up for loving gaming (even by my own brother) and it does take you to a drak place. But you know thats what friends are for, family want the best for you, but we just want you to be happy and be awesome!
I dont want people to read what I did up there and go, well hes just comparing and he couldnt know etc. If you have been through this before then youll understand that its not just your feel bad, you just cant help it and it takes a lot of friends and time to heal
Stay here Panda, tell us your troubles and who knows maybe we can help.
(Oh and I totally get the parents thing lol, I went off at mine for not letting me cook my own meals, go figure >.<)
We've never spoken but as soon as i looked at this thread knew who you were because i've seen your name all over the place in this community, so your deffinitely not unoticed man
I suffer from depression and if you're feeling this much pain my advice is to speak with a counsellor. It took me a LONG time to be convinced to go see one because i always thought that needing to see one would make me weak, or that i was sick or broken in some way to be needing to see one, but really its none of those things. All it is, is speaking to someone about your troubles in a safe and private environment, the best release for all this pain is to talk about it, and the internet is deffinitely not where you want to be doing that. i highly recommend you consider this, as it has helped bring me with struggling from the empty brink of nothingness to the everyday guy smiley i am today
Hey man, I don't really know you but your's is one of the names I recognise and look out for in chat. Mostly it's just because your another terran in this sea of zerg but everything you say is appreciated here. I'd say to try not to compare yourself to other people, we always see what's good in peoples lives and hardly ever whats bad and when we compare what we really know about ourselves to people we don't truly know it sets up an impossible standard. One of my psych med tutors told us to forget about "I'll be happy when ..." stuff, hopefully you can find some stuff that makes you happy right now. Also don't be afraid to go for help, depression is a real and serious illness and if you ever feel you need help or nothing could possibly help, there are a lot of people out there for you. Hope everything goes well man.
If there is one thing you should know, the truth is you would be missed, your family hurt and their lives changed forever.
As someone who has been through 10 years of extreme depression and had many friends take their own lives I can tell you that getting help and living through this is worth it. Everything sucks now, everything is hard, but it isn't always like that. There is a rainbow on the otherside of this storm, and when you get there you'll realise how ******* thankful you are that you never hurt yourself that you never took your own life.
I am always around if you need to talk, usually up late at night and online a lot. If you ever need to talk to someone PLEASE contact me. Even if it's only for me to tell you to fight through this for those who love you!
Suicide is the most horrible and painful death there is. It effects people long after you are gone and anyone who takes their own life really has no idea the profound impact it really has. Anyone on this forum who is thinking about hurting themselves or taking their life I beg you to please get help or talk to someone you trust. At the end of the day your life is so precious and no matter the pain you are feeling now things do get better and you only get stronger.
Chin up, **** the haters, **** the immature fucks that put you down, **** them all because they are worthless pieces of shit not worth pissing on if they were on fire. Life is bullshit sometimes, lets not pull any punches sometimes it down right sucks balls, but yeah that old cliche it does get marginally better as time goes by. There are plenty of people, online, in your real life and in the professional world happy to help, just take the step and ask for it ^_^
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[07-10, 22:00] PiG Unfortunately I'm incredibly lazy so most of my video footage is just me and iaguz in bed
Hey Panda, just letting you know that there is nothing wrong with feeling how you are, but you should also talk to someone and get the to help you feeling a bit better as well. Even if its not someone professional have a chat to some of your family (brother? sister?), someone you know from school, hell even one of us if you feel a bit better doing it here. The main point is having a chat to someone. I'd strongly encourage you to talk to professionals about it (such as the great people at lifeline), but remember that someone is better than nothing.
Panda, things may look rough at times but there are always people to listen. 5-6 years ago I lost one of my best friends to suicide, I only wish that he had asked for some help so that I could do something to atleast try and change his mind. That experience has changed me as a person.
Just look at all these people in here that are being supportive of you that haven't even met you in real life.. Life can be a lonely place at times... And the internet can make it worse 1000's of times over.. but look at the support you have from this community. I for one would surely do anything in my power to help you out man and I'm sure many others around here would as well.
Gimme a call on skype sometime (korgha89 is my add) if you wanna chat about whats getting you down, what i went through losing my friend, or even just a chat to take your mind off of life and onto something you can smile about.
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"There's a reason everybody shortened it to TOSS and not PRO..."
/
twitch.tv/loachsc2
youtube.com/loachsc2
"Surfing reddit reminds me of going to the zoo.. u see some cool stuff that u dont normally see... but its mostly just monkeys throwing poo at each other"
Hey dude, I know where you're coming from and even though I've only spoken to you a couple times I've always read what you have to say and you seem like a good soul. Everyone's thoughts go dark from time to time man. I've had a fair number of friends die, similar to what Loach has posted back in 2007 my best friend who I have had since I was 2 years old killed himself and what it did to his family and even to me was horrifying and the equally the saddest and most angering thing I've ever experienced in my whole life, and I wish he just talked to someone about it. Especially me.
You're young dude. You've obviously been through a lot and you're gonna have to get through a lot more but that's life. I'm one of the oldest people in this community (definitely not the wisest though) but I love this community. The community loves you back. Please email me (maynarde.sc2@gmail.com) if stuff gets too hard, I will definitely respond. ALWAYS talk to people and think before you act, this thread is evidence that people are good and will listen when it counts.
Duuuude. Stay tough, i barely know you, but what i do know is that you're this random dude who always pops up in chat and never has a douchey thing to say, i dont think ive seen you be negative about anyone, to put it simply - you're a nice person. you'd be sorely missed be each and every person you've ever met, even if you dont think it.
I've struggled with depression for a looooooooooong time now, sometimes theres just those days that are worth it, and some that arent. But it does get better.
(Cliche, but im not creative)
I lost one of my best friends to suicide when i was 14, the impact it has on every single person around you is huge, its absolutely life changing, and one of the saddest things that will ever happen.
I still have trouble, i'm 19, and i've screwed an absolute crapton of things up in my life, but if you ever want a chat, or a game, or anything, give us a yell
Although I haven't met you and only chilled in chat on occasions, I know how you feel. and in fact I have felt felt the same way for 5+ years (I'm 19 as well.).
I am thankful that I have a couple great friends that have supported me. I tried "school councelers" however they were stuck up and treated me like they did with my brother because they assumed I had a mental disorder (autism) like my brother, as did most of the other teachers that taught me, which was the reason why I wanted to harm myself in the first place (the students didn't help either.) Parents unfortunately didn't have enough income to take me to a different school until my final year.
I feel ashamed looking back to what I did do to myself, and caused some brain damage.
Without my 2 best friends, I wouldn't be here. I am glad they liked me for who I was and have made me immune to bullshit. I am still not 100% cured (lol sorry for the sc2sea chat drama last night guys ) but I am finally not regretting everything that I do and finally have hope to make use of my life.
BTW Dippa is a ******* champ when it comes to cheering people up. He has cheered me up a hell of allot on a certain occasion.
It's all already been said and I agree with all the posts, everyone goes through this shit - and harming yourself is not the answer. In a few years, when your life is in your control, you'll look back at this and be grateful of what you have then and positive that you didn't do anything to harm your chances in the future. I know it can seem hard now, but trust me, that is not the answer to your problems.
If you need someone to talk to - let me know, any time.
I really have no idea on what to say regarding topics like this, but sc2sea is one of the most tight-knit community there is. Just because your not a GM pro smashing tournaments doesn't mean that no one here ignores you and doesn't notice you.
Personally I don't know you, but I have seen you chatting around on the chat, and posting as well and from what I can tell from that, you are a pretty sick dude.
I've been debating to myself whether this will have the effect I wish it to; but I figure posting is better than not in this case.
If I (of all people) know your name - you're not unknown.
I can't remember when I first saw the alias, but I loved it - it's an intelligent mix of blizzard lore, sc2 and the #1 thing people like TargA hate - PANDERING (as well as for the obvious biased panda reasons)
I've once been down the same road, where the most logical solution to help friends and family was 'the ultimate sin' - but thanks to support of people like those here in SC2 community (and Nick Vanzetti); you sit down and look at yourself and go... Man I'm freakin' awesome. Why would I quit being THIS?!
Remember; you've been a winner since before you were born. You were in a race against literally millions and billions and won the right of birth. You're only 19 - but simply making 19 puts you miles ahead of the competition. Christ, a huge percent of people here are at or under 25 - you're not even at the quarter line in a lifetime that can that could potentially be building up to a point many years later.
Look at some of the most famous and influential people the world has ever seen - so many of them were total pieces of shit (some even suicidal also), then they overcame hurdles, pressure - and I'm sure many suffered as you have; then 10-20 years later they do something ******* amazing - just look at these motherfuckers;
Guy Laliberté - this nerd invented Cirque du Soleil after being homeless
Howard Schultz - this loser made Starbucks after living in his car for years
Leonardo Del Vecchio - abandoned orphan who now owns Ray-Ban and Oakley!
Roman Abramovich - The BATMAN of oil; from dead parents -> crazy billionaire with mega yacht
J.K. Rowling - Harry potter chick was on centrelink living week to week poor as dirt...
That's just 5 that I randomly know of - there's literally millions and who's to say you're not going to be one of them!
Quote:
You are the result of 4 billion years of evolutionary SUCCESS!
Last edited by Pandan; Fri, 1st-Jun-2012 at 12:43 PM.
I've been debating to myself whether this will have the effect I wish it to; but I figure posting is better than not in this case.
If I (of all people) know your name - you're not unknown.
I can't remember when I first saw the alias, but I loved it - it's an intelligent mix of blizzard lore, sc2 and the #1 thing people like TargA hate - PANDERING (as well as for the obvious biased panda reasons)
I've once been down the same road, where the most logical solution to help friends and family was 'the ultimate sin' - but thanks to support of people like those here in SC2 community (and Nick Vanzetti); you sit down and look at yourself and go... Man I'm freakin' awesome. Why would I quit being THIS?!
Remember; you've been a winner since before you were born. You were in a race against literally millions and billions and won the right of birth. You're only 19 - but simply making 19 puts you miles ahead of the competition. Christ, a huge percent of people here are at or under 25 - you're not even at the quarter line in a lifetime that can that could potentially be building up to a point many years later.
Look at some of the most famous and influential people the world has ever seen - so many of them were total pieces of shit (some even suicidal also), then they overcame hurdles, pressure - and I'm sure many suffered as you have; then 10-20 years later they do something ******* amazing - just look at these motherfuckers;
Guy Laliberté - this nerd invented Cirque du Soleil after being homeless
Howard Schultz - this loser made Starbucks after living in his car for years
Leonardo Del Vecchio - abandoned orphan who now owns Ray-Ban and Oakley!
Roman Abramovich - The BATMAN of oil; from dead parents -> crazy billionaire with mega yacht
J.K. Rowling - Harry potter chick was on centrelink living week to week poor as dirt...
That's just 5 that I randomly know of - there's literally millions and who's to say you're not going to be one of them!
what?
and i think u have missunderstood abramovitsj road to success.
I don't know you well but you always seemed such a well mannered baller in your posts and in the chatbox. I also remember, out of everyone else, i chose to use your tee to show off the fancy ToR badges!
Hope things pick up for you, and you have support from all of us!
Everyone goes through this, it's how you come out of it that determines who you are. Come out fighting and with a new outlook on life that will make it all worth while.
I dont think we have ever talked but I just thought I would say what everyone else is saying is true , things do get better you are only 19 you have your entire life ahead of you.If things are really that bad what champi said in particular is very true , talking to someone in a safe environment is a fantastic start. Even tho its not the same issue Ive had some health issues over the last few years that has degraded my quality of life quite alot combined with my stressful job made me feel like why do I even bother and I closed my self off to everything and felt horrible , lonely like its not worth gonig on. But I found once I started talking about it I started to feel better . I guess a long story short version is , dont do anything you cant un do .. you only get one shot at life dont end it short and dont be afraid to get help!.
Hey Panda, I've known you in sc2sea for quite a while now and you are like one of my best friends on sc2sea. Just wanna let you know that your one of the biggest guys in sc2sea for me and that I'm here for you. If you ever wanna talk, just message/skype me or post on our chatroom, you know I'm usually there.
I have nothing to add, just to echo what everybody has said.
Reading all of these comments is really refreshing. You have an amazing support base around you - one that few people in your situation feel or know they have.
Not only does this make me respect the SC2SEA community so much more, it only strengthens my love for people. Although my dream may be to run the biggest esports event in the world - fundamentally it is for everybody to be able to live a free and fulfilling life. Although it is a "someday" dream and I may not be able to change the world, it is the soul reason I wake up and get out of bed each day. My motto is "keep smiling"
Every person on this planet can and does make a difference to the world be it small or large on the grand scale of things but always remember - you are the world to somebody as somebody is the world to you.
We all love you for who you are and for who you aren't.
Never forget that ♥
Ur 19, theres alot of other things out there you`ve never seen or heard before.
I was going through a pretty low period once and a good friend brought me to this orphanage. Thats when i realise i am very fortunate compared to alot of ppl out there. Strangely, social work is a great way to not only help others, but help yourself too.
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Cheese is Art.
You're 19 you actually can't **** up
When I went to university (ANU) I was studying asian studies. So social science and language.
One of the leading professors had many interesting things to say. He had a text book published and was great professor of history, culture, philosophy, politics, international relations etc
He actually failed university irreparably the first time - not one class, almost all of them
He went back several years later and was extremely successful.
You have so many supporters here - a lot more than the average user - so push on and things will get better with age
Hey Panda, I remember our practice games we played while chatting with you and your friend over Skype. You seem like a really good person and remember you being interesting, funny and in good spirits. Hopefully this is just a bad patch and you can find a way to get past this. Good luck and if you want to chat on Skype let me know!!
I just got back from a long day. (Running errands, attending my cousin's b'day, telling relatives how I'm 'suppose' to be going to med school in Sept assuming results in Aug don't screw me over) and I find this thread.
From the bottom of my heart (and slightly demented mind)
THANK YOU SC2SEA COMMUNITY
Everyone, thank you for giving words of encouragement, support and just positive things. This Panda feels overwhelmed. I want to write to all of you but one does not just write his feelings of gratitude and thanks with words. Just know I'm very emotionally overwhelmed by you guys :')
To say that I will fight this would be me repeating what I said a couple weeks back when I got expelled from my classes. To say I will not have such thoughts would be a lie. But to say I now know I have people who understand and willing to hear me out (parents aside, they still don't accept the idea their son is labelled depressed and dangerous to self. The psych I was suppose to see saw me more of a case study.) is not only refreshing but heartwarming to say the least.
I will do my best to not only achieve something this Panda will be proud of but something THIS community can be proud (or close to it) of as well.
Again, to all of you guys, thank you and much love from Panda
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NA - ThePandarine.180 :: SEA - ThePandarine.180
Proud to be Nunquam redono, nunquam deditionem
Last edited by ToRPandarine; Sat, 2nd-Jun-2012 at 1:43 AM.
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