[PrimeTime]

Hello sc2sea ,
Yes most of u will ask who i am , i'm just a bronze player in Starcraft 2 , so most or even all the people won't recognise me.
I love this forum and has been actively checking for updates but never post anything myself because i know not a thing more than the people in here , but i read a lot from here.

And since this is the only forum i'm active in , i would like to ask for solution and advice.
I'm currently dealing with my father who has a gambling problem and getting worse and worse.
This cycle has occur to me in my family for like since i know about things.
He would first gamble with small amount of money , then after a while time , he will start betting bigger and bigger , and eventually lose big bet , after the huge lost , he would said to me , my mother and my sister to keep the gadget like laptop and internet connection from him , and promised us that he won't gamble again , and after a month or so , he would ask for the laptop and internet connection again , if we don't give him , he'll stare to me and my sister with angry look , and will ask again with a louder voice and keep louder until we give him , there was a couple time where he go physical with my mother , that was when i was still like 10 years old. After receiving his laptop and internet connection , he'll gamble again with small amount of money and eventually the cycle will go around again.
He's currently in his mid 50s , and has no job , where the money left to support our family is the pension money and previous works' money.
He doesn't have any more income and still he gamble away what is left.

I have search the internet and found that there's treatment but need a his willingness , where it's an impossible things to do because he won't admit that he has gambling problem.
Worst of all , most of his friends he hangs out everyday are richer than him , and gamble too.

My mother and my sister is a passive type , and they just can scold him with few words , but then let him gamble , everytime he asks for laptop and internet connection , things won't do good in our family , i will argue with him , but my mother will stop me , telling me to give him what he wants just so that my mother can go to sleep.
My mother even buy sleeping pills because sometimes , when he gambles in the middle of the night , he open all the lights in the room and my mother won't get a chance to sleep.
Sometimes my mother even move to my sister's bedroom and sleep with my sister.
Some of the nights my mother will come to my room and have a chat with me and told me how stress she is , and telling me how tide financial is and father is making it worse , and etc.
My mother once told me that financial in our family is very tide , and starting to go down faster with my father's gambling.
I can't bare seeing my mother so desperately and patiently holding her tears and cries.

He ever once told us (my family) , that one of his friend got bankrupt because of gambling and has lost everything , from a big house , elite cars , etc. Now he's in jail , and his wife is trying her best to live the life with nothing much left , but he never took any lesson from what he told us.

I'm 19 years old (1992) , am going to enter college this year , i'm afraid that things will get worse and worse in my family , i'm afraid i can't finish my college because of father and losing everything.
What i wish is to be able to finish college and be sucessful and can live my own and take over the leading financial in my family where i'm the one in control.

I'm in a desperate moment where i don't know what to do , whom to talk , i just hope by posting in this forum , i'll get solution and stop things before it goes worse and worse.

Any advices and solutions given by people from sc2sea will sure be a help for me.


Thanks for reading,
You have my regards,
PrimeTime

Quick Comments

	nirvAnA:	thanks for sharing this sincere story, all the best to you
	Sagachii:
	Nemo:	You're very courageous
	aLtShortizz:	Really you should get help from him. Does he have really close friends or relatives to knock some sense into him? Getting him to a counsellor is a huge step.

[Meatex]

I'm going to assume you are smaller than your father so you can't intimidate him to listen to you
In that case the simplest solution would be to emancipate him from his money by any means necessary

You could try intervention thing etc but if he is denying then you gotta give him a reality check - take his money, give him a healthy addiction to replace his gambling and get him away from his current friends

How you manipulate him to do this will depend on his mentality etc - if he loves you and carse about your opinions best way would be shame. Worked on my mother for smoking

Also you could say that you can gamble but tell him only once a week and give him a set amount of money, not allowing him to take anything else

Just some thoughts, feel for you and good luck

[cure]

Don't give him the laptop, no matter what. Say you need it for SC2 and then defend the laptop with your life.

On the serious note, giving him the laptop would entice him to gamble more. Your family members and yourself should know by now that if he's on the internet, he'll gamble. If i was in your shoes, i wouldn't let him have the laptop regardless of the circumstances.

Quick Comments

nirvAnA:

lmao cure!

[AxSGRiM]

Honestly, you have to have a serious talk with your dad and tell him how badly you want a job and a life in the future and that him gambling won't help you reach that goal. You might want to consider rehabilitation though :S Maybe even call the cops...

[nirvAnA]

Gambling addictions are hard to kick because its a behaviour change and behaviour changes are extremely difficult. I am not an expert in handling these matters but i feel in this scenario although its going to sound as corny as hell, since you are the next male in the family you have to start stepping up and being the Alpha Male in your family in order to protect them.

Do not allow your father to use the laptop, and control the way he is spending his money. Don't do this in a confrontational way but when things are cool and relaxed. Maybe when your father is sober and rational, get your family together and sit together and have a talk. Make him realise he is destroying his family and if he admits he can't control his actions anymore, ask him to give access to his finances / credit card to your mom or yourself. Everyone is in this together, it will be for his and the family's benefit and you are all trying to help him.

When the great wolf has fallen you must rise up, take his place and lead your pact to greatness! All the best man

[Doctor]

Originally Posted by Meatex

I'm going to assume you are smaller than your father so you can't intimidate him to listen to you
In that case the simplest solution would be to emancipate him from his money by any means necessary

You could try intervention thing etc but if he is denying then you gotta give him a reality check - take his money, give him a healthy addiction to replace his gambling and get him away from his current friends

How you manipulate him to do this will depend on his mentality etc - if he loves you and carse about your opinions best way would be shame. Worked on my mother for smoking

Also you could say that you can gamble but tell him only once a week and give him a set amount of money, not allowing him to take anything else

Just some thoughts, feel for you and good luck

Nice thought

[PrimeTime]

Originally Posted by Meatex

I'm going to assume you are smaller than your father so you can't intimidate him to listen to you
In that case the simplest solution would be to emancipate him from his money by any means necessary

You could try intervention thing etc but if he is denying then you gotta give him a reality check - take his money, give him a healthy addiction to replace his gambling and get him away from his current friends

How you manipulate him to do this will depend on his mentality etc - if he loves you and carse about your opinions best way would be shame. Worked on my mother for smoking

Also you could say that you can gamble but tell him only once a week and give him a set amount of money, not allowing him to take anything else

Just some thoughts, feel for you and good luck

He still do care for my future , my job , and etc. There was once when he started and want the internet connection where when he ask for me , we argue , and i give it to him by saying " If tonight my work given by my company cannot be done because of ur gambling addiction , then congratulation " , when i was about to leave the room , he speak to me with still a loud voice " TAKE IT ! "

And about taking over the money , as u can see , i'm still at a very young age and he won't in any possible way give me the rights.

He do hear our opinion ONLY when he has lost a big bet , and eventually after a month , the cycle will go around again.

[Primex]

Just try and be blatant with him, when he is in rational mind of course. Explain to him how his gambling is destroying you and your family. If he is not willing, maybe let the authorities know? I'm not sure.


Btw nice quote nirvAnA.

Originally Posted by nirvAnA

When the great wolf has fallen you must rise up, take his place and lead your pact to greatness! All the best man

[Doctor]

Originally Posted by cure

Don't give him the laptop, no matter what. Say you need it for SC2 and then defend the laptop with your life.

On the serious note, giving him the laptop would entice him to gamble more. Your family members and yourself should know by now that if he's on the internet, he'll gamble. If i was in your shoes, i wouldn't let him have the laptop regardless of the circumstances.

he said it before.

[PrimeTime]

Originally Posted by cure

Don't give him the laptop, no matter what. Say you need it for SC2 and then defend the laptop with your life.

On the serious note, giving him the laptop would entice him to gamble more. Your family members and yourself should know by now that if he's on the internet, he'll gamble. If i was in your shoes, i wouldn't let him have the laptop regardless of the circumstances.

As i type before , i do not want to give it to him , but my mother told me to give her what he wants or my mom won't get to sleep , he keeps ordering my mom to take laptops and internet connection from me and my sister who keep them.
there were once that he even woke my mother up in the middle of the night just to take them.

[PrimeTime]

Originally Posted by nirvAnA

Gambling addictions are hard to kick because its a behaviour change and behaviour changes are extremely difficult. I am not an expert in handling these matters but i feel in this scenario although its going to sound as corny as hell, since you are the next male in the family you have to start stepping up and being the Alpha Male in your family in order to protect them.

Do not allow your father to use the laptop, and control the way he is spending his money. Don't do this in a confrontational way but when things are cool and relaxed. Maybe when your father is sober and rational, get your family together and sit together and have a talk. Make him realise he is destroying his family and if he admits he can't control his actions anymore, ask him to give access to his finances / credit card to your mom or yourself. Everyone is in this together, it will be for his and the family's benefit and you are all trying to help him.

When the great wolf has fallen you must rise up, take his place and lead your pact to greatness! All the best man

I'll try to talk to him in the time u mention.
I'm just afraid things will go worse and worse.

[Meatex]

If this has happened a lot many times then you gotta start taking off the kid gloves
When you see an opportunity where he is listening you gotta step up and make him give you and your mum control and don't take no for an answer - don't get into a yelling match just do it
He has to understand its not his choice until he has the willpower to make the right one

There will - or may have already - come a point when talking won't help and you'll have to take action and be firm. Make him choose between his family and his gambling. You probably won't want to do that but you should understand that it may indeed to come to that point. You have to be willing to throw him away for him to understand his desire to stay and realize what he must do.

[Cyanide]

@PrimeTime

Tell him what you've have said here. In time to come, it will get worse. Tell him what you can foresee is going to happen. It'll will only drive the family apart. I can see that you are already taking the first step to taking charge, by asserting that you want to complete your college education and be the sole breadwinner.

Keep reminding him that the only way for you to achieve that, is by him not squandering all the money away. Keep reminding him. Tell your mother and your sister, that if they continue to be passive, things will never improve.

Let them know that you want to support your father, that you care. And that the only way for things to improve is through your mother and sister supporting you.

This is just my opinion of course. Hope things will turn out better for you. Cheers.

[cure]

Originally Posted by PrimeTime

As i type before , i do not want to give it to him , but my mother told me to give her what he wants or my mom won't get to sleep , he keeps ordering my mom to take laptops and internet connection from me and my sister who keep them.
there were once that he even woke my mother up in the middle of the night just to take them.

Turn on the laptop, take a jug of water, tilt the jug over the laptop and yell "DON'T FORCE ME TO DO THIS"

On the serious note, either you find a way to not give him the laptop, control the finances in your household, notify the authorities of domestic abuse, or you'll be stuck with doing the first option with a jug of water.

[PrimeTime]

Originally Posted by Meatex

If this has happened a lot many times then you gotta start taking off the kid gloves
When you see an opportunity where he is listening you gotta step up and make him give you and your mum control and don't take no for an answer - don't get into a yelling match just do it
He has to understand its not his choice until he has the willpower to make the right one

There will - or may have already - come a point when talking won't help and you'll have to take action and be firm. Make him choose between his family and his gambling. You probably won't want to do that but you should understand that it may indeed to come to that point. You have to be willing to throw him away for him to understand his desire to stay and realize what he must do.

If i step up , my mother will tell me to just please him , as my mother ask for not an argument and just let her rest.
Without my mother i would have stand firm in front of him without giving what he wants.
My mother won't get to sleep and be restless if he doesn't get what he wants.

[PrimeTime]

Originally Posted by Cyanide

@PrimeTime

Tell him what you've have said here. In time to come, it will get worse. Tell him what you can foresee is going to happen. It'll will only drive the family apart. I can see that you are already taking the first step to taking charge, by asserting that you want to complete your college education and be the sole breadwinner.

Keep reminding him that the only way for you to achieve that, is by him not squandering all the money away. Keep reminding him. Tell your mother and your sister, that if they continue to be passive, things will never improve.

Let them know that you want to support your father, that you care. And that the only way for things to improve is through your mother and sister supporting you.

This is just my opinion of course. Hope things will turn out better for you. Cheers.

I'll try to talk to him when the time is right , and the best time i think is what nirvana mentioned.

[PrimeTime]

Originally Posted by cure

Turn on the laptop, take a jug of water, tilt the jug over the laptop and yell "DON'T FORCE ME TO DO THIS"

On the serious note, either you find a way to not give him the laptop, control the finances in your household, notify the authorities of domestic abuse, or you'll be stuck with doing the first option with a jug of water.

in my first thinking , i was planning to drop the laptop from 3 stories high , or just hit it with a hammer.
then my second opinion came out to be if i destroy it , he'll just went outside to buy the new one.
and i searched in the internet and found that anger and destruction is not the best solution.

[Meatex]

Originally Posted by PrimeTime

If i step up , my mother will tell me to just please him , as my mother ask for not an argument and just let her rest.
Without my mother i would have stand firm in front of him without giving what he wants.
My mother won't get to sleep and be restless if he doesn't get what he wants.

Then sounds like you need talk and work things out with your mum first, you gotta work together

Quick Comments

PiG:

[AxSGRiM]

Ask your sister to help you with convincing your mom.

[Nobunaga]

The problem with this situation, is that your mom is an enabler to your dad's gambling problem. Until everyone else in your family says no, your dad is just going to keep on getting his way and losing all the money.

Like the previous posters says, you got to convince your mom to stop this or they cycle will keep on repeating itself. Giving your dad the laptop is only a short term solution to the problem, because eventually it'll happen again one month later.

It's hard for a 19 year old to step up and confront their fathers, because they don't have a solid base, a home away from home, or solid financials yet (especially in Asia). You'll really need everyone on your side to do this.

Quick Comments

PiG: