[PrimeTime]

Originally Posted by ke_ivan

@PrimeTime

Hey, I come from a troubled background myself. My dad isn't a stable person (he was in a mental institution for a year) and he likes to think that he will be rich one day. He doesn't have any vices, but he doesn't really work either. Part of it is because he likes to unnecessary risks like trying out new ventures, and he doesn't like to be employed. Since I was 15, I was helping out with the family bills. When I was 24, I cleared the family debt (he was a big credit card spender) and basically I had my mum destroy all the credit cards. Then I left for the UK to study, by working there for 2 years on a working holiday visa. When I came back though, my parents sold the house (economic crisis) and didn't buy a new flat. My father decided to rent, and he started to feed his new addiction (feeding stray cats). I came back to a house of 20+ cats. Basically, I left it alone because I thought it was harmless. Now, my parents live apart because my mum can't support him, since he doesn't work and I am saving to finish my last year in school. We don't have a house and he sleeps in a truck which he rents. For me, I need a better income, so finishing up school is the most important thing in my mind right now. After that, it will be much easier to handle. I am 30 now.

Clearly, with addictions it's important to have family support. Without family support, this is almost impossible to handle. You need to let your mum and sister know that there are consequences to not handling this now. If you wait or think that your dad can handle himself, like I did, you could very well your house.

Your family needs to sit down and have a family meeting. Your mother, sister and yourself need to determine a course of action and stick to it. No deviations. You need to go through financial stuff, show them how this leads to utter failure to galvanise them into action. Most of the time people don't do anything because they are unaware of the consequences 5 years down the line. People are always in denial.

You need to show your father the consequences. Do it as a family. Show him the family can't maintain him and show him the potentially disastrous consequences. If fear is not a good motivator, then tell him, from now on, you will no longer indulge his demands. (i.e. you will not pay for any of his debt). Legally, if your dad is still alive, his debt should not pass on to you. Also if you choose not to accept your inheritance, you will not receive his debt as well.

You should not, in any way, support his addiction. Place controls on all the gambling websites he goes to if possible, or only allow certain websites through. If you need to, unsubscribe from the internet. This is a bigger problem than not playing SC2 or surfing, a man has to do what a man has to do. If he gets mad, he is throwing a tantrum. Tell him firmly that he cannot gamble any more in this house. It maybe his house now, but it won't be if he continues to gamble. If he gets violent, buy enough time for your family to call the police. You're nineteen now, you should be able to hold your dad back. (I had to do it when I was 15.) Once he see that you are physically stronger, he will stop being violent.

His friends might not listen to you, but it's good to ask any way. Ask them not to indulge his gambling habits. Most gamblers borrow money, so ask them not to loan him anything. Remember that addicts are manipulative - they will lie or go into a state of "good" conduct to get what they want. Do not approve of any loans for your dad. If he needs money, he will have to go to you or your mum. Your mum also needs support so provide what you can.

Go with your dad to support groups. For me it was church. I personally am agnostic, but having a community to fall back on does help. Do you have an aunt or uncle you're close to? You need to talk to them and seek advice as well. Your dad might be angry at first, but once he is surrounded by people who starve his addiction, he will improve.

Most of all, keep a cool head. If you can just stop him. If all else fails, lock him out of the house. All this sucks, I know, but just remember, you're doing it for your family and you won't be in the weak position I'm in 5 years down the line. You're the man of the house now, and I trust you'll do a good job.

I'm trying my best , it's just my mother and my sister being so passive , and my sister just finished operaton on her brain where the doctor tell us (my father , mother and me) not to give her too much too handle , her brain is still in recovering stage.
And like i type before , i have talk to my mother , she said she has set aside money for my college's fee.
My mother is worried about my sister because of this operation , her last boyfriend left him without a word and now she's single. I'm afraid if i let her in , she'll have too much pressure to handle with her current stage.

I'm suspecting that his friends also encourage him to play.
He gamble with phone and only looking for odds on the internet.