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Unread Mon, 4th-Jun-2012, 7:18 PM Who's Who:   Race: Clan: iRL  Location: Singapore  Total Posts Made: 1,494 # 1
crAzerk
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Summary of Diablo 3 Storyline for laymen

Saw this on reddit, was hilarious:

VILLAGERS: OMG THE UNDEAD ARE RISING
LEAH: ITS JUST UNCLE DECKARDS CRAZY STORIES
*VILLAGER GETS HEAD EATEN OFF
LEAH: AGAIN, JUST STORIES, I ASSURE YOU
*NAKED OUT OF PLACE WITCH DOCTOR SHOWS UP
LEAH: I TOTALLY TRUST YOU COMPLETELY, LETS GO FIND UNCLE DECKARD
LEAH: LOOK THERE HE IS, FELL DOWN 100 FEET OR SO BUT HES FINE
*EVERYONE GOES BACK TO TOWN
DECKARD CAIN: RANDOM WITCH DOCTOR, GO KILL THE SKELETON KING, HE RESURRECTED JUST BECAUSE THIS ENTIRE ACT IS A DIABLO 1997 REFERENCE
WITCH DOCTOR: K
*WITCH DOCTOR KILLS SKELETON KING AND FINDS A NAKED BLACK MAN
WITCH DOCTOR: YO DECKARD, I FOUND THIS NAKED BLACK DUDE
DECKARD CAIN: K GO FIND HIS SWORD PIECES
WITCH DOCTOR: Y????
DECKARD CAIN: DUNNO LMAO, JUST A GUESS
*MAGDA SHOWS UP
MAGDA: I COME FROM WORLD OF WARCRAFT TO DESTROY U
WITCH DOCTOR: K LMAO ALREADY GOT THE SWORD PIECES
MAGDA: DAMN!!!!! ILL JUST GO STEAL THAT NAKED BLACK DUDE AND PROLONG THIS ACT FOR NO REASON
*SHOOTS FIRE AT CAIN, STEALS BLACK MAN
LEAH: STORIES KILLED MY UNCLE!!!!!!!!!
WITCH DOCTOR: PRETTY SURE MAGDA DID, NUB
*WITCH DOCTOR RUNS TO SAVE BLACK MAN
WITCH DOCTOR: OMG THE BUTCHER, ANOTHER POINTLESS RESURRECTION OF A 1997 DIABLO CHARACTER WITH NO EXPLANATION
BUTCHER: AH FRESH MEAT!!!!!!!!!!!
*BUTCHER DIES, BLACK MAN SAVED
TYRAEL: YO HERE I AM FOOL
WITCH DOCTOR: WHY U BLACK NOW DOG?
TYRAEL: TOKEN BLACK ANGEL LMAOOOOO
*GOES TO ACT 2
VILLAGERS: OMG THE PRINCE SENT ALL THE GUARDS AWAY
WITCH DOCTOR: HE MUST BE BELIAL IN DISGUISE
LEAH: NO, NO WAY, LET'S GO ON A POINTLESS QUEST TO DO A BUNCH OF CRAP DESPITE THE FACT THAT WE ALREADY KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON.
ADRIA: HEY DAUGHTER SUP
LEAH: OH HEY MOMS, JUST MORE STORIES TEEHEE
ADRIA: WE MUST GET THE BLACK SOULSTONE USING THIS OLD HORADRIM DUDE THAT CREATED IT
WITCH DOCTOR: K
*WITCH DOCTOR RECOVERS THE SOULSTONE:
WITCH DOCTOR: WAIT, HOW DID THE SOULS OF THE OTHER 5 DEMONS GET IN HERE ALREADY?
ADRIA: DON'T WORRY BOUT IT DOG... CHRIS METZEN
WITCH DOCTOR: GOT IT!
BELIAL: I AM THE WORST LIAR EVERRRRRRRRRRRRRR
WITCH DOCTOR: WE KNOW
*CAPTURES SOUL
*GOES TO ACT 3
AZMODAN: YO DAWG, ATTACKING UR RAMPARTS
WITCH DOCTOR: THANKS FOR THE LEAD BRO
AZMODAN: HEY NP DAWG, ATTACKING UNDERNEATH NOW
WITCH DOCTOR: HEY DUDE THANKS AGAIN, COULDNT HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT U
AZMODAN: ANYTIME, HEY COME TO MY PLACE SO WE CAN SMOKE SOME BLOW
*WITCH DOCTOR GOES TO THE HEART OF SIN
WITCH DOCTOR: YO I BROUGHT THE WEED
AZMODAN: SWEET DAWG, BEING A WARLORD IS TOUGH
WITCH DOCTOR: JK LMAO, GOT UR SOUL
*GOES BACK TO BASE
WITCH DOCTOR: OMG LEAH IS THE PRIIIIIIME EVIL!!!!!!!!!!!
ADRIA: YEA PLANNED THIS 20 YEARS AGO DOG
WITCH DOCTOR: BUT, AGAIN, HOW DID U GET ALL THE SOULS IN HERE IF YOU JUST NOW GOT THE BLACK SOULSTONE?
ADRIA: CHRIST METZEN
WITCH DOCTOR: GOTCHA!!!!!!!!!
*GOES TO ACT 4
DIABLO: WELCOME TO MY REALM OF TEAR-OR!!!!!!!!! I AM THE PRIME EEEEVILLLLL
WITCH DOCTOR: WHY DON'T YOU LOOK LIKE A COMBINATION OF ALL THE EVILS THEN???
DIABLO: I DUNNO... ASK CHRIS METZEN
WITCH DOCTOR: K
DIABLO: CAN YOU TELL I'M A GIRL THIS GAME??? I CAN'T STOP TALKINGGGGGGG
DIABLO: LOOK TYRAEL, UR OWN LIEUTENANT
TYRAEL: WAIT, HOW DID IZUAL COME BACK?
DIABLO: CHRIS METZEN MADE IT HAPPENNNNNNNNNN
IZUAL: I AM BACK FOR ABSOLUTELY NO REASONNNNNNN
*IZUAL DIES
DIABLO: HE WAS USELESS ANYWAY, COEM KILL MEEEEE
*WITCH DOCTOR ENTERS REALM OF TERROR
DIABLO: WELCOME TO MY REALM OF TEAR-ORRRRRR, NO ONE HAS EVER ESCAPED
*DIABLO DIES
TYRAEL: WE DID IT BOYS... ANGELS.... AND MEN!!!!!!!!!!!!

Quick Comments
 Asrathiel:  
I really wish that wasn't all in caps :P
 TheGentleman:  
 Mayo:  
 TABottles:  
 JoFritzMD:  
THE CAPS MAKE IT BETTER
 EveMassacrisM:  
CAPS hurts my eyes but wouldnt be right without it.
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Unread Mon, 4th-Jun-2012, 7:24 PM BnetId: EveSnow.352  Race: Clan: Eve  Location: Singapore  Total Posts Made: 56 # 2
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rofl so god fking damn true
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Unread Mon, 4th-Jun-2012, 7:28 PM Who's Who:   BnetId: aLtStallion.610  Race: Clan: aLt  Location: Christchurch  Total Posts Made: 1,615 # 3
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LOL sounds about right hahahah
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Unread Mon, 4th-Jun-2012, 7:34 PM Who's Who:   BattleTag: delete12#6306  Race: Clan: aLt  Location: Sydney, Australia  Total Posts Made: 391 # 4
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i always wondered about the black soulstone
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Unread Mon, 4th-Jun-2012, 7:31 PM BnetId: pyrox.385  Race: Clan: ToR  Location: India  Total Posts Made: 376 # 5
Daboo
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The sad part is............it *is* the way the story unfolds.

Quote:
CAN YOU TELL I'M A GIRL THIS GAME??? I CAN'T STOP TALKINGGGGGGG
LOOL
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Unread Mon, 4th-Jun-2012, 7:35 PM Location: Singapore  Total Posts Made: 283 # 6
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seems legit.
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Unread Mon, 4th-Jun-2012, 7:40 PM BnetId: Cyanide.751  Race: Location: Singapore  Total Posts Made: 681 # 7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crAzerk View Post
DIABLO: CAN YOU TELL I'M A GIRL THIS GAME??? I CAN'T STOP TALKINGGGGGGG
Also, Diablo has boobies.
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Unread Mon, 4th-Jun-2012, 7:43 PM Who's Who:   BnetId: aLtnirvAnA.951  BattleTag: nirvAnA#1429  Race: Clan: aLt  Location: Singapore  Total Posts Made: 4,857 # 8
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this had me laughing all the way through! thanks for sharing
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Unread Mon, 4th-Jun-2012, 8:00 PM Who's Who:   BnetId: Dox.792  Race: Location: Brisbane  Total Posts Made: 2,980 # 9
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hahahahahah this is the best
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Unread Wed, 6th-Jun-2012, 6:23 PM BnetId: Rhuubarb 120 (SEA) 634 (NA)  Race: Clan: VB  Location: Melbourne, Australia  Total Posts Made: 168 # 10
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It's unfortunately so true
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Unread Wed, 6th-Jun-2012, 9:57 PM Who's Who:   Race: Location: Sydney, Australia  Total Posts Made: 1,592 # 11
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Hahaha amazing!
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Unread Wed, 6th-Jun-2012, 10:09 PM Race: Total Posts Made: 322 # 12
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For someone like me who is new to D3, that is EXACTLY how I felt playing it :/ hahaha
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Unread Thu, 7th-Jun-2012, 5:48 AM BnetId: MrSandman.185  Race: Location: Sydney  Total Posts Made: 69 # 13
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Act 3 pretty much summed up how I felt. Damn those ganja loving demons
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Unread Thu, 7th-Jun-2012, 2:23 PM BnetId: FaDeAbSTrACt.306  Race: Location: Singapore  Total Posts Made: 58 # 14
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Loll nice one, first act especially
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Unread Thu, 7th-Jun-2012, 6:00 PM Who's Who:   BnetId: EU.Nemo #368  Race: Location: Paris, France  Total Posts Made: 752 # 15
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Haha, nice summary.
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Unread Thu, 7th-Jun-2012, 6:42 PM Location: Adelaide  Total Posts Made: 89 # 16
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Quote:
TYRAEL: TOKEN BLACK ANGEL LMAOOOOO
and

Quote:
WITCH DOCTOR: YO I BROUGHT THE WEED
AZMODAN: SWEET DAWG, BEING A WARLORD IS TOUGH
WITCH DOCTOR: JK LMAO, GOT UR SOUL
made this for me, haha. Second quote especially reminds me of Ghetto Gumby for anyone who may have seen that many many years ago
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Unread Thu, 7th-Jun-2012, 10:11 PM BnetId: breadfan.875  Race: Clan: ToR  Location: Brisbane, Australia  Total Posts Made: 1,073 # 17
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There is one big flaw with this. No one plays Witch Doctor.

Quick Comments
 TABottles:  
WHAT U TALKIN BOUT? I PLAY WITCH DOCTOR OMG
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Unread Thu, 7th-Jun-2012, 10:20 PM BnetId: TABottles.446  BattleTag: 6589  Race: Clan: TA  Location: Tasmania, Australia  Total Posts Made: 430 # 18
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Does anyone else cringe at

*After saving cain**

Cain: I learned of this secret passage through old maps I found.

AHHHskjfroklgmkjlvnhjkenf
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Unread Tue, 12th-Jun-2012, 4:52 AM BnetId: FutureBoy 308  Race: Location: Auckland, New Zealand  Total Posts Made: 457 # 19
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This is priceless! Well done.

And agreed about Diablo looking like a girl....he almost prances around.....
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Unread Wed, 13th-Jun-2012, 12:12 PM BnetId: mayo.987  Race: Clan: 3h  Location: Melbourne, Australia  Total Posts Made: 992 # 20
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He needs more muscle!
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