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Government in Australia call it covering their ass... >.<
 

Hey guys

So meeting all sorts of people in my line of work, I came across a swimmer who also works as a storeman and is dealing in pipes. The Government, in their wisdom came up with this little beauty, and I quote "I feel a whole lot smarter and wiser now. I don’t know how we’ve been doing our jobs without having this valuable knowledge."

1.2.64 Definitions for Pipes as amended per Government Gazette 6784A/45297/BZ/a1

All pipes are to be made of a long hole, surrounded by metal copper or plastic, centred around the hole.

All pipes are to be hollow throughout the entire length ‐ do not use holes of different length than the pipe.

The ID (Inside Diameter) of all pipe must not exceed their OD (Outside Diameter) ‐ otherwise the hole will be on the outside.

The pipe is supplied with nothing in the hole, so that water, steam or other stuff can be put inside at a later date.

All pipe is to be supplied without rust; this can be more readily applied at the job site. NOTE: Some vendors are now able to supply pre‐rusted pipes. If available in your area, this product is
recommended, as it will save a great deal of time at the job site.

All pipe over 150m in length should have the words "LONG PIPE" clearly painted on each side and end, so the contractor will know it's a long pipe.

Pipe over 3000m in length must also have the words "LONG PIPE" painted in the middle so the contractor will not have to walk the entire length of the pipe to determine whether it is a long or short pipe.

All pipe over 1.8m in diameter must have the words "LARGE PIPE" painted on it, so the contractor won't mistake it for a small pipe.

Flanges can be used on pipes. Flanges must have holes for bolts, quite separate from the big holes in the middle.

When ordering 90 or 30 degree elbows, be sure to specify left‐hand or right‐hand, otherwise you will end up going the wrong way.

Be sure to specify to your vendor whether you want level, uphill or downhill pipe. If you use downhill pipe for going uphill, the water will flow the wrong way.

All couplings should have either right‐hand or left‐hand threads, but do not mix the threads, otherwise, as the coupling is being screwed on to one pipe, it is being unscrewed from the other.

All pipes shorter than 3mm are very uneconomical in use, requiring many joints. They are generally known as washers.

Joints in pipes for water must be watertight. Those pipes for compressed air, however, need only be airtight.

Lengths of pipes may be welded or soldered together. This method is not recommended for concrete or earthenware pipes.

Other commodities are often confused with pipes. These include; Conduit, Tube, Tunnel, and Drain. Use only genuine pipes

Re: Government in Australia call it covering their ass... >.<
 

Insert joke about pipe here....

Re: Government in Australia call it covering their ass... >.<
 

dem pipe rules

Re: Government in Australia call it covering their ass... >.<
 

Writing "long pipe" in the middle of a 3km pipe sounds very useful. Sounds like the government completely understands the issue here! I mean how else would contractors realise if the pipe is long or not?

cost to make new water main $10000
cost to hire contractor $20000000000 <--- accurate figure
cost to hire contractor to contract contractors $20000000001
Money spent to make report to properly determine pipe lengths $5000
Making contractors walk 10km to reach middle of the pipe - priceless

Re: Government in Australia call it covering their ass... >.<
 

LOL

10 chars

Re: Government in Australia call it covering their ass... >.<
 

I'm sure they have definitions for doors or windows too. Regulations and what not.
The law requires that all these obvious facts be stated because everything has to be black and white, no grey areas whatsoever.

Funny nonetheless.

"Pipe over 3000m in length must also have the words "LONG PIPE" painted in the middle so the contractor will not have to walk the entire length of the pipe to determine whether it is a long or short pipe."

This takes the cake. lol...

Re: Government in Australia call it covering their ass... >.<
 

The ID (Inside Diameter) of all pipe must not exceed their OD (Outside Diameter) ‐ otherwise the hole will be on the outside.

I don't even...

Re: Government in Australia call it covering their ass... >.<
 

The length labelling ones actually make sense but the others seem a bit stupid. If someone who doesn't realise that you don't put a smaller piece of pipe next to a much larger piece of pipe in a continuous waterline is not locked away the last place I want them is near my services.

Re: Government in Australia call it covering their ass... >.<
 

"The ID (Inside Diameter) of all pipe must not exceed their OD (Outside Diameter) ‐ otherwise the hole will be on the outside."

This is the one that got me... I challenge someone to violate this, and actually have something substantial.

On second thoughts... don't... I don't understand theoretical physics but i'm sensing the universe might quiver if we break this rule.

Re: Government in Australia call it covering their ass... >.<
 

"The ID (Inside Diameter) of all pipe must not exceed their OD (Outside Diameter)"

Is rather pointless because if the inside diameter exceeds the outside diameter it means that the Inside diameter is now the outside diameter and vice versa. It is physically impossible to have the inside diameter higher than the outside diameter. Basically the outside and larger diameter is refered to as the outside diameter while the smaller diameter (which physically has to be on the inside) is referred to as the inside diameter. Basically no matter what, the part of the pipe with the larger diameter is referred to as the "Outside Diameter" and the smaller (always on the inside) of the pipe is referred to as the "Inside Diameter". You cant just switch them around for funsies!

Re: Government in Australia call it covering their ass... >.<
 

Lol this is classic!!

Re: Government in Australia call it covering their ass... >.<
 

This is clearly a joke email. Ive read documents like this and the part highlighted in red is the mistake
The government does not explain statements once made they are fact. I mean take building of skyscraper buildings. Once you define the sky is up and up is defined as perpendicular to the ground you dont have to go into the further explanation of if the sky is down until you get to the exception section 11.9.7.6.4 sky is falling.

Re: Government in Australia call it covering their ass... >.<
 

But what if you drill holes into the pipe? Would the inside hole then be on the outside, since anything you pour into the inside hole will goes through the holes you drilled in to the outside, therefore the inside hole is effectively on the outside. You put stuff in the inside, it appears on the outside...HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THAT

Re: Government in Australia call it covering their ass... >.<
 

Funny thing is that this was sent directly to my friends manager as guidelines for their next contract. They couldnt believe this was sent, regardless it is quite an amusing document. I wish I could send you the rest but unfortunately he only sent me this bit as the rest was sensitive informaiton :/