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Think Twice
 

Disclaimer: I did not write this- unknown source, just sharing

I have recently made one of the biggest mistakes in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble shitting.

No, I was not constipated. This was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my ass-hair had grown to such a length that tiny balls of shit were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my ass-cheeks. It led to much frustration, with me knowing that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butt hair dwelling place. Eventually I would have to do one of two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its ‘Can't-Be-Flushed’ threshold.

As I was contemplating this problem, I had what seemed at the time to be a brilliant idea. “Hey, this is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate all the hair all together, and then my crap will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements, things like "How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK, or "There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea.

I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my ass of hair. Occasionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My ass was smooth as ivory. I smiled; satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.

Little did I know?

I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two ass-cheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry.

Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic shit- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky shit/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. And I mean it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm.

Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my ass off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4-block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering shit/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my ass cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own shit blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks."

Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my ass at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for ass-hair, ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my ass-cheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum-sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.

As if that wasn't enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing back in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your ass having the texture of a Brillo pad. Well, that’s what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony.

All I can say is friends don’t shave your ass hair!


The end…

Re: Think Twice
 

Very brave. Being one who has experience the wonders of shaving areas like this I can fully understand how it is, makes you feel sorry for all those porn stars who do get shaved/waxed.... >.<

The advice is always a good thing to read!!!

Re: Think Twice
 

Frankly I'm flabbergasted that you wrote this blog.

Minimat can just retire from bloging now. In fact this blog can't be beaten in the "5th dimension" category, it's just legendary.

Thanks for the advice. Remain this question : How do all those totally shaved models or Porno actress ? We must find one and ask him/her to write a blog too.

Re: Think Twice
 

The power of wax.

Re: Think Twice
 

The fack did I just read

Re: Think Twice
 

ahahahaha! My mate did this in high school and I'll never forget his description of the feeling of the regrowth stabbing himself whenever he sat down! I think lasers are the only way to go if you wanna get rid of ass hair lol!

Re: Think Twice
 

Re: Think Twice
 

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looking at the picture of that girl too makes this blog ever so suiting.

Re: Think Twice
 

I've read this exact same blog about eight or nine years ago, copy pasta job.

Re: Think Twice
 

I've done this, never again...

Re: Think Twice
 

This is like the worst thing to read while eating a kebab

Re: Think Twice
 

The problem is you're focusing on the things in life that don't really matter. When I was a kid I had hopes and dreams. We all did. But over time, the daily grind gets in the way and you miss the things that really matter, even though they are right in front of you, staring you in the face. I think the next time you should ask yourself "Am I on the right track here?". I don't mean to be rude but people like you I really pity. So maybe you could use the few brain cells you have and take advantage of the knowledge I have given you now. Good luck.

Re: Think Twice
 

What I Don't Even

LOL This is one of the funniest things I have read,

I will heed the warning

Re: Think Twice
 

This is beautiful

Re: Think Twice
 

LOL i was cringing all the way while reading this!

thanks for sharing such a personal account, it was a very entertaining read and probably the most original blog on this site ever

i guess trimming would be another option?

Re: Think Twice
 

It's not original at all.. this entire post is older than the internet itself.

Re: Think Twice
 

Should have stated in the OP that I didn't write this, so i apologize, someone forwarded it to me and just thought I would share it.

I haven't grown enough balls to share such liberating "personal discoveries"

Re: Think Twice
 

oh my bad,

in that case, escapist that was disappointing!!!!

i though it was u as ur writing style is quite similar

Re: Think Twice
 

still made us laugh LOL XD

Re: Think Twice
 

Still a great read

Re: Think Twice
 

There should be a man that can stand up and say he's the author or this content...

Re: Think Twice
 

Pretty hilarious. Never really considered shaving my anal hair but now I know for sure. Thanks for posting this blog.

Re: Think Twice
 

DAFUG IS THIS

Re: Think Twice
 

Best blog ever.