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My First Poem
 

What is life without that insatiable desire for adventurous escapades
Predictable and uneventful routines steal from the already poor
Whilst spontaneous and free spirited instincts pay gain to the wealthy

Suspense hanging like the noose around my throat
I led the campaign with uncertainty towards the unknown
Wading through the glowy, glittery darkness

Hand in hand around the mulberry bush
A snow white smile beckons strange attraction to spread its wings
Burning the constricting python




Will appreciate any comments, even more so for criticism

Re: My First One
 

is this a poem or lyrics to a song?

Re: My First One
 

I thought it was about his first time getting laid.

Re: My First One
 

It sounds rather interesting, and it seems to have a few meanings, rather than a single meaning.

Re: My First One
 

ahahaha grats man!

A snow white smile beckons strange attraction to spread its wings
Burning the constricting python

but hope your python doesn't get burned next time

Re: My First One
 

is there something wrong with me if i read "constructing pylon"

Re: My First One
 

@Muse - poem!
@Paroxysm and nirvAnA - subject to personal interpretation!

Re: My First One
 

No, that's what is written. haha

Nice poem Escapist, I like it a lot !

Re: My First Poem
 

Hmm, I'd like to offer some criticism. Before anyone flames me, I'd like to say I write poems as well, also classic blues (mostly in Russian), and aced a 400 level poetry class during my senior year in college, so I kind of know what I'm talking about

It's a free verse poem, and with those it's sometimes hard to catch the origins of why one should like it. So, it is very important that every element is studied in great detail. Such details are phonetics, architecture and general feel and flow.

It has no heading, which means there is exactly 0 center point in it. It kind of flows all by itself, like a wave of thoughts when you catch a glimpse of something of interest in the streets, while being tired after work and deprived of coffee.

With no focus to gravitate to, the poem has one distinct feature - lines become shorter as it goes on, with a sudden 8th striking out. Kind of like diminishing self-confidence, and then one asks "but what if? ah, no, not going to work".

The note of diminishing picks up on concentration of consonant sounds. It starts very clumsy and hard to read, but becomes smoother towards the end. Just like when you try something, and it is hard at first, but gets better as the brain functions more.

The above two create a meaning of two conflicting flows passing by each other, one of diminish, and the other of improvement. The disbalance in flows is mirrored by beginning letters of each line, starting very structured, but then falling apart with randomness.

To sum up, it's a flow of thought, disbalanced, unprepared and not very well-though through. Good luck next time.

Re: My First Poem
 

@Next_rim
Thanks for that, appreciate it. Now that I ponder what went through my mind when I wrote this, I realise you are right, I'm was just penning down thoughts without prior planning or direction.