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Going back to Chiddiru
 

Okay let's do this, so I said I was going to go away for awhile, let's get into details of the whole lot, complete transparency.

Over the course of the past 4-5 months I have been in and out of the doctors, multiple appointments and a many of tests, this was due to a small lump found in my lower back, at first it was assumed to be potentially cancerous and then the further tests to my relief showed otherwise, however it had the ability to grow and become a problem down the track, so after 4 months an operation was done to have it removed.

With this said, about 4-5 months ago is when I started to in my opinion differ from my normal self and I started to become a bit of a dick to the people around me IRL and in game, I had a lot of hatred for those around me and I guess after awhile the lash outs became more and more normal until they became me as such, there is no reasoning behind it, the people around me and the people who are left around me have wanted nothing but the best for me, I do wish I had of shared this information earlier and maybe I might have received support and not built up as much hostility towards other, but I cannot change the past.

So in prior instances when things for me start going badly, I tend to bottle up my real emotions and that's the result, what you all had to deal with everytime you would go into my stream, at my first anger management session today they said it may be a common thing among what I do as this is a similar way in which I reacted when my step brother had passed away. The doctor told me "I believe you try to isolate yourself the best way you can to avoid further hurt in your life, you want to push away those that love you and care about you, however in this instance you stayed in a situation to gain more attention and with this drive away an even bigger grouping of people" He was shown the blogs I have made and the replay footage of my stream of how I "went off" at viewers.

I will be attending a once a week anger management program for the next 8 weeks minimum, further time may be needed depending on how I go over the course of the sessions, as of now, the best medicine for me he said was to start apologising to those that you may have hurt and try to keep yourself as calm as possible. So with that said, I do apologise to those I have shown hostility towards, I know it's not enough but I am truely sorry and when my back and wrist are a bit better I will return to the stream and I do hope you will tune into that.

So with all of this said, I do hope you guys can start to understand some of the issues that were happening, if you have any follow up questions feel free to message me or post on here and I will get back to you as soon as possible.