What is life without that insatiable desire for adventurous escapades
Predictable and uneventful routines steal from the already poor
Whilst spontaneous and free spirited instincts pay gain to the wealthy
Suspense hanging like the noose around my throat
I led the campaign with uncertainty towards the unknown
Wading through the glowy, glittery darkness
Hand in hand around the mulberry bush
A snow white smile beckons strange attraction to spread its wings
Burning the constricting python
Will appreciate any comments, even more so for criticism
Hmm, I'd like to offer some criticism. Before anyone flames me, I'd like to say I write poems as well, also classic blues (mostly in Russian), and aced a 400 level poetry class during my senior year in college, so I kind of know what I'm talking about
It's a free verse poem, and with those it's sometimes hard to catch the origins of why one should like it. So, it is very important that every element is studied in great detail. Such details are phonetics, architecture and general feel and flow.
It has no heading, which means there is exactly 0 center point in it. It kind of flows all by itself, like a wave of thoughts when you catch a glimpse of something of interest in the streets, while being tired after work and deprived of coffee.
With no focus to gravitate to, the poem has one distinct feature - lines become shorter as it goes on, with a sudden 8th striking out. Kind of like diminishing self-confidence, and then one asks "but what if? ah, no, not going to work".
The note of diminishing picks up on concentration of consonant sounds. It starts very clumsy and hard to read, but becomes smoother towards the end. Just like when you try something, and it is hard at first, but gets better as the brain functions more.
The above two create a meaning of two conflicting flows passing by each other, one of diminish, and the other of improvement. The disbalance in flows is mirrored by beginning letters of each line, starting very structured, but then falling apart with randomness.
To sum up, it's a flow of thought, disbalanced, unprepared and not very well-though through. Good luck next time.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by souljah
Upgrade : Give roaches invulnerability to nukes, as their namesake on Earth have.
@Next_rim
Thanks for that, appreciate it. Now that I ponder what went through my mind when I wrote this, I realise you are right, I'm was just penning down thoughts without prior planning or direction.
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